Loads of Jokes

(Keep ‘em Coming)

A doctor was going into hospital when he passed Mother Angelica walking very briskly while saying her rosary nineteen to the dozen just then he saw his associate, a Psychiatrist, come round the corner so he asks if she's alright."
"Oh, I just told her she was pregnant." the psychiatrist answered
"My God, is she?"
"No, of course not, but it finally cured her hiccups!"
 

The Church elders decided to invite their woman minister to go fishing with them. They were fifty yards or so from the shore when she said, apologetically, 'I'm sorry - I've forgotten my fishing rod!'
So she hopped out of the boat, walked across the water to the bank and picked up her rod. As she strolled back one elder was heard to mutter,
‘Typical of a woman - always forgetting things!'
 

A Methodist minister was walking through his town the other day when he spotted a rather unusual funeral procession. Behind the hearse walked the local vicar holding his very large dog on a lead. Behind the vicar came a multitude of other clergymen of all denominations. This intrigued the minister who approached the vicar and asked what was going on.

"It's like this," the vicar explained, "Two weeks ago I met with our Treasurer and asked for a few extra pounds, just for heating, lighting and a drop of Communion wine but as usual their discussion got a little heated and my dog, suspecting the Treasurer was about to attack me, leaped over the table and got him by the throat. Before I could do anything the poor man was dead. As you will imagine, I was mortified."

The minister, a little shocked by this sad tale stopped, said a few prayers and watched as the procession continued along the road.

After a few moments he rushed along the pavement, caught up with the vicar and said, "Would it be possible to borrow your dog for a few days?"

Looking over his shoulder at the procession, the vicar replied, "Of course it would, but you will have to join the queue!!!"

 

It was a beautiful day, (it always is where this took place), and Jesus and Moses decided to have a round of golf.

There they were on the first tee when a little and very old man came up to them and asked if he could join them.

Well Moses wasn't too keen at first but Jesus persuaded him otherwise and he gave his ball a massive smack. Off it sailed into the distance but as it came down it struck a bush and bounced off into a deep pool sinking down to the bottom. Undaunted Moses went up to the pool and held up his staff whereupon the waters parted immediately. Up he went to the ball, gave it another smack and it bounced up over the bank and into the hole for two.

Now it was Jesus turn. He gave his ball a tremendous thwack and off it sailed until it hit a tree. Down it dropped straight onto the pool, I say onto because it didn't sink but bounced up and down a few times then lay motionless on the surface. Jesus strode across the water, hit the ball again and of it went into the hole also for two.

The little old man ambled over to the tee, carefully placed his ball and hit it as hard as he could. Off it went straight at the bush and bounced off, then onto to the tree bouncing off into the water. But still it didn't stop, for it bounced across the pool, up the bank and into the hole for one.

'There, that's what I mean,' said Moses. 'That's why I don't like playing with your Dad!'

 

One Sunday morning, the Vicar noticed little Johnnie was staring up at the large memorial plaque that hung just inside the large wooden doors of the church, It was covered with names, and regimental flags were mounted on either side of it.
As he'd had been staring at the plaque for some time, the vicar walked up, put his hand on his shoulder, and said quietly, "Good morning Johnnie."
"Good morning father," Johnnie said, not taking his eyes off the plaque. "What is this?" he asked.
"Well, Johnnie, it's a memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service."
Solemnly, they stood together and stared at the large plaque. Little Johnnie's voice was barely audible when he asked, "Which one, father? The morning or evening service?"
 

 

 

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